Posted by: The Sweet Life Runner | October 20, 2008

On Second Chances…

“To err is human”… This is one of those favorite sayings that stick on my mind for the longest time. Yes, we are humans and we are vulnerable in committing mistakes. The hardest part is, when you have made that mistake, and will never have the chance to correct it.

I have been into so much in life because of irrational mistakes that I made. Many people think that I am almost perfect, that a have a very dynamic personality, that I am strong and smart that there’s only a little room for mistakes. They may be right. But that room has created a huge impact in my whole person that it almost cripple my soul and my spirit.

One of my greatest weakness that I am aware of is my relationship conflicts. May it be friendship or romantic I always am encountering deep-seated problems from them. I don’t know why, I always am true to them and I make it a point that I give my best but still conflicts arises. I’m so vulnerable of my feelings that I sometimes mistaken it for something else, I figured it out when I analyzed the conflicts I had with my friends but still it repeat itself. It seems that I never learn from my mistakes, or it’s just the force of circumstances?

I don’t know, but whatever it is, it’s a constant reminder for me that I still have imperfections, and I will always have it.

I recently had the worst ever relationship conflict. I lost the greatest love of my life. The one I shared my life with for the past 5 years. I never thought this would happen since I’m trying my best to recuperate from a friendship that was broken by some irreconcilable issues that affected me in such a way that it has made me stupid to hope for it to amend. I regret that I have taken that person into my life. He has made horrible changes in me. I have let out again my evil self that I’m trying to hide for the longest time. I have done bad things that I never thought I could do again and I am so resentful about it.

Yes, I have planted hatred towards him. I have collected all the bad things he has done to me and turned it into a huge fireball that I will throw against him. I have thought of revenge actually. I want him to fall into his knees and regret the day that he did me wrong. I want him to pay for all the misdeeds he created. I want to see him suffer…

But all of these went off in just a snap. I thank God for showing me that vengeance is not for us to manifest, it is God who will avenge us from those who malign and hurt us. Because our revenge might be less or we might go overboard. But God’s wrath is justice. He will give justice to everyone. He is my only hope.

If I could have a second chance I will give my very best so I wont have to lose my greatest love. I should have set limits and boundaries between that ex-friend and me. But since it’s all over and done with, all I can do is to let go, move on, and move forward, making sure I’m making the correct steps this time.

“To err is human, To forgive is Divine”... I have learned to forgive those people who hurt me; even though how heavy it is for me I lifted it up to Him. I wanted to keep a clean conscience and spirit from now on. I know it’s hard to forget and as for my case, it’s almost impossible because I have a very good memory when it comes to significant events in my life. But I learned that to forgive is to forget is not true. You can forgive someone and recall his mistakes so you can be able to be aware that it can happen again, or it can happen to others.

I am not hoping for things to go back to its place. I just let God land me on where he wants me to. As for now, life must go on. My son needs me now more than anything else. I should be strong for him and I will do my best to give him the best future he deserves. We are still complete, we only lost a biological father and still were keeping a true Father, The Father in heaven, the one that wont leave us.

Ofcourse my everyday is still a struggle. It’s not easy to detach from things that you are used to. But I know God will guide me step by step and time will heal the deep wounds that I have gathered from it. You will not imagine how am I feeling right now, the pain is unexplainable. But I’m trying my best to hide it from the world and just open it up to God.

I hope and pray that I can have that second chance to correct the mistakes that I have done but if not, THY WILL BE DONE…

Good Vibes!

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