Posted by: The Sweet Life Runner | June 17, 2009

This Loving Feeling…

The last few months has been filled with so much trials not only for me, but for my family as well. I know, I have been so lazy and laid back lately but later do I realize that I need to work things out, specially on our finances. Life is not getting easy on my part.

Because of the A(H1N1) virus outbreak in our community, the classes of college students were moved 15 days from what is originally set into. For me it is a benefit since it will buy me more time to clean up my closet from the clutters of the past and to patch things in the new home that we have recently moved in. Its not a big house, unlike from where we stayed in for almost 10 years. But I guess it s much better since the necessities here are complete.

I didn’t feel any excitement in going to school on the first day. Maybe because I feel a little chill because that reshuffle thing that happen to us really is a piss off, matching me with those people whom I like less, and I know they feel worse that I do to them. Glad some of them found a way to transfer to another section. What a relief!

I find it very uncomfortable to be classmates again with the person I had a big misunderstanding with for the past 2 years. I know its been along time but still I feel the tension between us. After all that has happened, I still find it naive to actually sit in a crowd with him. I tried my best to keep my distance to make me and him comfortable as possible.

Destiny for me is just a coincidence of people’s manipulation towards things and events. Maybe this is an exact example of it. Our issue is a big blast in our college so we cant avoid questions and intrigues. Many are asking what will I do if we are joined together in a group work, how do I feel about him, being in the same section again etc. etc.

I answered those questions as modestly as I could. But of course I leave something for them to ponder.

Lately, Ive been focusing more on myself. I don’t know, there’s so much love in me, and I don’t know whom or how I can show it. a David Benoit song hits me with its one-liner “WHY LOVE KEEPS ON GOING WHEN THERE’S NO ONE THERE…” the exact same question came into my head while enjoying listening to the song over and over again. A friend of mine asked me yesterday about my status with my husband. I couldn’t even explain what I feel about him. Maybe because of those pains he caused me, it made me numb to feel for him. All I know is that I still love him, but different from the love I used to feel for him before…

But whatever it is, I know, Ive made the right decision to stick with my husband no matter what. I will be true to my promise to love him til death do us part.



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