Posted by: The Sweet Life Runner | July 31, 2009

Sorrows of a Protagonist…

I consider this moment of my life to be one of the busiest and yet, Im bombarded with much troubles and emotional conflicts. I am trying my best to jumble everything, paying careful attention to each so that I wont lose grip on any of them. I feel like 24 hours a day is not enough to get things done.

I should get used to this, but some things are just so bothersome that it drains the energy I have to give to things that matters most.

Im trying my best to resolve conflicts with a friend but I guess it just gotten worse. I guess I should have left it that way. I only added insult to the injury. At the end of it all, I am still unsuccessful in winning his heart back. Many people admire me for being always in control, the miss know-how, the strategy maker, a true compassionate leader but what they are not aware is that I am really a loser when it comes to my emotions…

Im a bit shaken as of the moment. I dont know how to react to what I have discovered. A close friend is shattering my emotions. I know she doesnt intentionally do it. She has been an angel to me all these time, always there when I need someone to comfort me. Shes been like a little sister to me. I love her so much that even if I have seen that this moment is coming, I cant still believe it has happened…

I always have visions of things to come, not because I am a psychic, but maybe because I learned to listen actively and weight peoples words, may it be spoken or acted, rather than my own. I can see things coming, but I never assume. I hate assuming. I am afraid to get the wrong assumption of things.

Although she’s giving me reassurance, it doesn’t make my emotion to calm. I dont know, maybe because I can feel that she is partly just telling the truth. Its not her fault, she is a very lovable person and I totally agree to that. No man can resist her beauty and charms… not even him.

She noticed my cold shoulders on her. I told her its not what she thinks, I am not angry and I dont have the right to be. Her assumption that I am staying away from her is true. I just want to be away from her at the moment. I want to prepare myself for what will happen next. I need to wear a mask again and pretend that everything is fine, although I am dying inside.

I know, I may sound bitter but I just cant contain the emotions inside. Its like im gonna burst out. I dont have someone to converse this with. I just need to get it out of my system, I just need to let this out.

Don’t make me wrong, if ever that thing will happen between them, I will be the happiest one. They are so good together. Good looks, intelligence, just about everything. I think they are perfect, complimenting each other.

One thing I’m afraid of is that I maybe blamed for her hesitation to give in to him. I had too much guilt, I hope this wont add to it.

While doing my Board Exam Reviewer I am writing this note. No matter how busy I am it still sinks in me. I hate what I feel. This is crazy, this is wrong.

My stage again is full of swaying emotions, I should study how to act out everything. My drama needs to be perfect, I need to make a standing ovation show.

For now, I’ll just make myself busy on things that I need to finish. Setting this emotions off until the time of my sleep, and I wont sleep well again…

Good vibes to everyone…


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